EIRON's
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Restaurant and theatre pundit Eiron Foyer responds to your technical and scientific queries :
You can send a question via our contact form.
Dear F37s9jj
Emphatically no : ‘ fad ‘ diets – like the [ deleted ] one which you mention – are rather bad idea for your ( or anyone else’s ) long term health. If you insist on pursuing such poppycock on a regular basis then I must strongly urge you to at least adopt the following strategy – which will help – a little at least – towards maintaining a reasonably healthy diet. You must create a dietary regimen which incorporates a balance of fad diets over, say, one month. I call it Fad Combining.
So, for example, Monday you could follow the [ deleted ] diet, Tuesday the [ deleted ], Wednesday you could be a [ deleted ] etc etc . Provided you follow a sensible blend of fads like these you should be reasonably OK dietary-wise.
Dear YupImin
You asked ‘ Why do human beings have finger and toenails ? ‘. The
answer is straightforward. Nails are DNA’s way of reminding us that
we are still animals.
Dear wAffleIronHook
Could I surmise that, until now, you were unaware that the Hagahi peoples of New Guinea have ( or should I say ‘ had ‘ ? ) fourteen different words for ‘ tree-kangaroo ’ ?
Now . . . d'you see what I have done ? Although very little is known about the way that memories are stored in the brain, it’s a fairly safe bet to guess that since they are semi-permanent, they are probably based on a physical, chemical, or electrical ‘ hard-wiring ’ mechanism of some sort.
I have no idea who you are, or even where you are, but I can be rather confident that I have just performed, ( without your permission, I should add ) a small, but significant, hard-wring operation upon your brain . . .
Like-it-or-not, you now have a memory regarding the Hagahi’s vocabulary - and try-as-you-might, it will be difficult to erase. I‘ll even wager that by trying to un-remember it you’ll very likely wire-it-in even more firmly !
I do admit to a certain frisson associated with such actions. Thus, in answer to your perceptibly sardonic question - yes, I do enjoy my work.
Dear Keef_hoppper
Well, it’s not a new question I admit, but one that’s worth answering nonetheless. As you point out, many have labeled the mosquito as ‘ the most dangerous animal in the world ‘ – bearing in mind the many millions of people who die from malaria each year.
And you asked “ Why did Noah take mosquitoes on the Ark ? “
Three possible answers spring to mind :
Scenario 1) He didn’t. I am informed by experts who study such things that he was only required to take aboard animals which breathe via nostrils ( Genesis 7:22 ). As I am sure you are aware, mosquitoes, like other insects, are nostril-less – they breathe instead though through tiny pores in their exterior skeleton called spiracles.
Scenario 2) He didn’t. They were not officially on the guest list, but hitched a ride anyway.
Scenario 3) He didn’t. It’s all [ deleted ]
Dear GocHezech
Well, an unusual query – be-that-as-it-may one which I shall endeavor
to answer. You asked “ If I had to eat just one type of fruit or
vegetable for the rest of my life – which should I choose ? “
I could perhaps recommend that you to try the fruit of the [ deleted ] plant. I have heard that they are divinely, supremely, wonderfully, exquisitely delicious. Should you do so though, I couldn’t vouch for the absolute length of ‘ the rest of ’ in your question.
Dear UidgBarr_44
As you may know, I cannot deal with individual medical queries via this column. I can, nonetheless, divulge my own ‘ health tips ’ – with no guarantee of course, other than to say that I have been completely free of Nachtlicht-Königsflammen syndrome for several decades now - from which I urge you to draw your own conclusions.
Firstly, I make sure that I get substantially ‘ out of breath ’ at least once every day. ( The modus operandi is entirely optional. )
Secondly - and I cannot recommend this too highly - I advocate that one should contrive to get ‘ goose pimples ’ on a daily basis too. This is not as easy to arrange as my first recommendation, but I find, for instance, that listening to favourite musical passages on my radiogram usually works rather well.
It may interest you to know that I have been painstakingly researching for some years now in order to come up with a strategy which will reliably combine both results at the same time - but it is considerably more difficult to arrange than you might imagine.
Dear XymalGumm
Yours is one of those questions which reminds me of a Russian Doll – layers within layers of intriguement. The question, and its answer(s) cross refer with physics, biology, and could even serve as a existential-philosophy metaphor. Wonderful. Allow me to extrapolate.
XymalGumm asked : ' I live on a street which is paved with old granite cobbles. At what speed should I drive my car for the least-uncomfortable ride ? '
The answer is that there are two ideal speed-bands. If you were to drive extremely slowly – perhaps around 1 Km per hour, then you will suffer very little bone-jangling discomfort. Alternatively, you could drive devilishly fast, 80 Kph minimum, in which case the ‘bumps’ caused by the cobbles would tend to ‘smear out’ into to a somewhat noisy, but fairly comfortable, ride.
Now to the metaphor : You should strenuously avoid any mediocre, middle-range, neither-here-nor-there speeds – which, I’ll warrant, will shake you to the very bones.
Now, I expect you are wondering about the physics-based explanation for this rather odd meta-dualistic outcome ?
Firstly, let us consider how your own mass ( i.e the mass of your body ) which I will call [Mb], interacts with the speed of the vehicle [Vv] in the equation . . .
[ regrets Eiron, lack of space prevents. Ed. ]
Dear NullHypofesis
Much obliged for letting me know that your ‘ favourite smell is the smell of ironing ‘. I’m quite fond of it too. Though I think I should specify it slightly more tightly. I like the smell ironing when it’s done by someone else.
Dear BulliHubli
Yes, an interesting quasi-conundrum indeed.
BulliHubli said : ' I live near a public park, and recently a large oak tree blew down during a severe storm. ( thankfully, no-one was injured ) Does the GDP of the country go up, or down, as a result ? '
The local authority will probably be responsible for removing the tree – a work which could well incur rather substantial costs. However, a contractor will probably undertake the job completely free of charge. Why ? Because the tree itself will be worth many thousands. Oak is a protected wood in much of Europe – it has to be protected because it is so wonderfully durable, attractive, hardwearing and easily workable – so much so that every last tree would very soon be cut down if it were not.
Thus, the tree’s wood will undoubtedly be sold-on and utilised by manufacturers of various products - who, along with the tree-removal-contractor, will certainly make a tidy profit from their undertakings. D’you see where I’m headed ?
At length, the local council will no doubt stage a photo-op and replace the tree with a new sapling ( a.k.a. ‘ an acorn ‘ ) that will in due course attain all the might and grandeur of its predecessor – and in the meantime will assist with carbon-dioxide sequestration running into hundreds of tonnes.
All-in-all a great boon for the economy and the planet as a whole don’t you think ?
Dear BlueG4ll
You asked whether I tend to regard “ – a glass as being half-full or half-empty “
Before I could make such a judgment I would be asking myself how sure I was about the size of the two halves. In other words, was either the full part or the empty part unmistakably identifiable as a ‘ large ’ half - or a ‘ small ’ half ?
If one or the other was obviously the greater, I would clearly have no difficulty in deciding. But, if the two looked indistinguishably similar, then how could I possibly know which was the most significant ? Would you like me to do a scientific measurement ? But to what level of accuracy ? Would the nearest cubic millimeter satisfy you ? It certainly wouldn’t be good enough for me. So, where then would you like me to stop ? Perhaps I should count the number of molecules in each half ? And what of evaporation ? Might not some of the liquid molecules evaporate during the measurement process – and flee to the ‘empty ‘ portion ? And, at the quantum level, wouldn’t my very act of counting affect the number of subatomic particles involved ?
I do not want to seem pessimistic, but, in short, your proposition is a nonsensical one, and I have absolutely no intention of carrying it out – let alone making a habit of it.
Looking on the bright side though, I may perhaps consider conducting some less non-unequivocal experiments – with glasses which at least start-out emphatically full.
Dear Vdlpurwhay
With regard to a definition of ' hallucinations ' . May I direct you instead towards the surrealist art-movement of the early part of the last century ? And ask, which would you find most disturbing – the fact that you may see a telephone with a lobster attached to it – or the likelihood of discovering a telephone floating in your bisque ? I am told that great exponent Dali himself asked this very question ( or something quite like it ).
Dog tiles strawberry sofa.
Ant sandpit.
[ That’s enough reader-goading for the time being. Thanks, Ed. ]
Dear 0pr4_Sidn3y
Many thanks for alerting me, via your question, to the ‘ vagueness ‘ regarding where one’s body begins and ends. I confess that I had never considered it in detail before – and find the idea(s) quite intriguing. So, in answer to your question(s) – yes, if part of my thumb was sliced off and presented to me on a platter, then I would certainly consider it mine – very definitely part of me - and I should want it returned at the very earliest opportunity.
But, as regards dandruff flakes – then, if I had dandruff ( which I don’t ) I must say that I would truly feel quite challenged about conjuring-up feelings of me-ness about the flakes – which is quite an unsettling and illogical prospect, considering that, given the budget, an entire clone of me could be reconstructed from them by amplifying the DNA which they would contain.
And yes, I see your point too that there are other body parts which are decidedly indeterminate with regard to their degree of me-ness – and which I am still pondering with considerable effort.
Toenails, teeth, and of course [ deleted ].
Dear V1L0Kha
Let me assure you that it is by no means a necessity to be a member of a learn’ed institution to perform your own quite valid scientific experiments.
By way of encouragement, perhaps I can describe some research which I am currently undertaking in the field of psychology.
A while ago, I purchased a job-lot of surplus umbrellas from an auction of manufacturers’ overruns. Each day, when there is even a hint of a cloud in the sky, I saunter down to my local café to have my morning espresso. I contrive on each occasion to ‘ accidentally ’ leave my umbrella behind. But, on my next visit I never mention the loss. And neither do the café staff. So far, I have left 27.
We shall see who cracks first.
I admit that, as yet, I have not worked out exactly how I should frame my scientific conjecture – but it is most enjoyable and entertaining, and I am quietly that confident my study will receive all the attention which it deserves from the scientific establishment when I finally submit it for publication.
Dear ES_goto
The ‘ information ’ which your neighbour has volunteered for you is a myth. Cheese which has gone moudly does not ‘ simply turn into another type of cheese ’ .
I can assure you that if you were to purchase a thoroughly downmarket cheese from your most abysmal local supermarket, e.g. [ deleted ] , and leave it wrapped in plastic film on a hot windowledge somewhere, then you would wait a very long time indeed for it to turn into the finest Roquefort.
Are you sure he/she isn’t trying to poison you ?
Dear DubyaDubyaDubya
With the greatest of respect, your question ‘ Why do roses smell so lovely ? ‘ has a definite whiff of anthropocentric arrogance about it.
Allow me to put you in the picture. The scent which roses emit is not for the benefit of humanity. Through the process of evolution, it has emerged over countless millennia to become a perfect match not for our noses, but for those of insects – bees in particular.
We can be sure that the perfume of a rose is more-or-less perfectly tuned to a bee’s idea of a wonderful smell. The fact that we find it pleasant is merely a coincidence. ( Admittedly an extraordinary one bearing in mind the very different way in which our olfactory organs function. )
I do concede though that it is a wonderful stroke of luck on our part. If
the dice had fallen another way, and our smell-preferences were more in line
with, say, houseflies, then I daresay the cover images on our valentine’s
cards would be very substantially less wholesome.
Dear TrenAmend asks :
‘ What did people use insted (sic.) of TV when we did not have power ? ‘
In the old days – books. And in the very old days – each other, and [ deleted ].
Dear GranplusterFax
You asked :
‘ I recently heard someone mention Dendrochronolgy – what is it ? ‘
May I point you in the direction of the internet, currently an effulgent expediency for lexical deixis. Find a good online dictionary and, over time, I’m sure you’ll be able to trace the word's roots and branches.
[ A little less of the obscurantism please Eiron. Ed. ]
Dear kJD82AHf66 enquires :
‘ Does the honey-bee population decline mean an end to humans ? ‘
No, but they might well become substantially more hungry – especially those with sweet tooths. ( my spellchecker refuses to accept that word – but I’m almost sure it’s correct in this context )
Dear BlinkAndFox
Yes, of course one can. But then again, there are not many things one can’t get addicted to – are there ?
Dear IncLewsieve
‘ Is the thumbs up gesture offensive Australia ? ‘
Well, if I were French, I might shrug my shoulders. If Belgian, I may well twiddle my moustache. And if of Chinese descent I could even stomp my right foot. That being said, I might caution that, just as in spoken language, the manner in which a communication is presented can often influence its meaning to quite a degree.
By the way, another perfectly acceptable ( in Australia ) gesture of satisfaction is the ‘ bulls-eye ’ - form a small circle with the index finger and thumb. ( If you happen to be ambidextrous though, I would strongly advise against using this at the same time as the thumbs up. )
Dear OrgoneDona
No, I don’t think that there is a scientific term for ‘ The Sense of Having Forgotten Something ‘ . Perhaps we could come up with one ? Such as Ephemeramnesia ? Personally, I often find myself thinking that I’ve forgotten something – only to find out later that I hadn’t – this must be Faux-ephemeramnesia I suppose.
Dear Klof34rz
Yes, but don’t overdo the agar jelly.
Dear Yposode
I regret to inform you that although you have been fed entirely on organic food since birth ( as you have described ) you yourself would not, if tested, rate as 100% organic.
Even if you have no tooth-fillings or nail varnish, your tissues will certainly be habouring a whole swathe of man-made chemicals ( pesticides, solvents, plasticisers, etc etc ) which are, regretfully, present in ever increasing quantities throughout almost every region of the planet. To say nothing of various trans-uranic isotopes which are entirely man-made, and, since the H-bomb tests of the 1950’s can now be detected in the cells of all living organisms.
By all means get yourself tested though – if you pass ( 100% mind ! ) , let me know and I will be absolutely delighted - and will of course issue a public retraction.
Dear La0anleatsaaIT
Sorry, my editor no longer permits me to give advice on criminal matters. But I am aware that the word ‘ bung ’ does not always refer to the stoppers of laboratory glassware.
Dear Tsdfgoop
You are quite right. It is high time that exercise-gyms design and instigate truly wide-ranging routines that exercise all the bodily muscles with equal rigour. I have yet to see, for example, a gym which pays attention to the temporalis muscle – Responsible ( in part ) for opening and shutting the jaw. Yes, it is perhaps true that certain individuals like [ deleted ] , already get enough jaw-specific exercise during their daily routine – but what of those who do not ?
For those interested, I have devised my own temporalis exercise which involves
rhythmic chewing on a thick rubber wedge for half an hour every day. I would
be pleased to provide details ( and can suggest an accompanying music CD
) on request.
Dear TrKasdhy
You asked : “ What are the effects of an x-ray machine scan on parrot eggs ? “ Now let me see – are you by any chance thinking about parrot eggs that might be, for instance, inside a suitcase perhaps ? If so, then yes, like any other living thing, their DNA will suffer dose-dependant ill-effects caused by the ionising radiation. Have you considered transporting them in your coat pockets ? Either way, I’m sure that the relevant airport authorities will be delighted if you contact them for advice.
Dear KlopperHoof
You enquired : “ What is a strech (sic.) of water joining 2 bodies of water together ? “. This is a tricky one. If the bodies are very large, let us say, sea-sized, then I imagine the word ‘ strait ’ might be applicable. Lexical usage also depends though upon the relative height of the two bodies and the distance between them. If one is much higher than the other, then you should use the word ‘ waterfall ’ – unless they are a very long way apart, in which case the word ‘ river ' may be more applicable. ( For smaller bodies, as for example, two puddles, I am not at all sure that a suitable word exists. )
Dear trackLev
Your query : “ What are some quick clues that would give away if someone had an addiction to nicotine ? “
The smoking of tobacco products ( viz. cigarettes, cigars, pipes, hookahs, etc etc ) would be a strong clue. As would be the regular use of tobacco snuff. But there are other, less publicly overt methods of absorbing nicotine, some of which have ritualistic histories going back hundreds of years - a clue would be frequent visits to the bathroom with a small bag ( probably brown ).
Dear CupHalftring
You asked about : “ Suppressing the gag-reflex while drinking
beer “. At fist I thought you might be enquiring for the purposes
of gaining ground in some grotesque drinking competition – but then
I realised that you might instead be referring to the very understandable
reaction induced when in the unfortunate position of unwittingly imbibing
certain brands of common ale. Ubiquitous and popular though they are, my
opinion is that they are generally disgusting and only suitable as bait
in slug traps. Rather than trying to perfect your gag-reflex control, why
not just switch to a good real-ale instead ?
Dear FortoPino
Thank you for asking your question – and giving me this opportunity to expand upon the idea of Parasitism.
My dictionary defines a parasite as :
‘ an animal or plant that lives on or in another animal or plant of a different type and feeds from it. ‘
But, is it not the case that all animals depend for their very lives on devouring some other creature ?
So, it would appear, would it not, that the crucial part of defining parasitism must be the ‘ on or in ’ clause.
I insist then that at this point we must ask : Why is the physical distance between the host and the parasite considered so relevant ?
From unfortunate host’s point of view, is it truly such an important factor ? If the host finds him/herself in the unfortunate position of being eaten, I put it to you that he/she will not find the distance from which it is done all that engaging a concept – and will focus very much more intently on the time which it takes.
D’you see ?
Thus, I feel it is my duty to propose an entirely new botanical / zoological / philosophical / systemic category :
The Remote Parasite.
This new category necessarily encompasses all animals – you and I included of course - and [ deleted ] !
Dear PolyUnS4T
No, you should take the concept of ‘ economies’ of scale ’ with a wholesale pinch of salt.
Allow me to give an example ?
Can I surmise that you prefer to use clothes which have been recently washed ? If so, then I contend that we could calculate – within a reasonable margin of error – that, during your entire lifetime you will use a not inconsiderable quantity of washing powder. It will quite probably runs into the low thousands of kilograms.
Now, given the fact that one can command a very substantial discount when buying such a quantity, would it not have been prudent for you to have obtained a loan to purchase the entire lifetime’s supply at, say, the age of 18 or 21 ?
My rough calculations show that, even allowing for interest on the loan, you could still economise at least 60 - 80% on the purchase price – and vastly more if you happen to live through a period of moderate or high inflation . . .
I could continue, but I am confident that by now you will have spotted the Achilles’ heel of my scheme – viz. where will you securely store several tonnes of washing powder for an entire lifetime ? It may come as surprise to you to find out that a large percentage – as much as 15% per month on some items - of the retail cost of general goods comes from warehousing expenses.
Bearing that in mind then, it is not all that outlandish an idea to trek to the store every couple of weeks to buy a moderate supply of the stuff. And of course the nearer you are to your source of supply, the more often you should go, and the smaller quantity you should purchase.
I buy mine every day or so by the cupful - from my neighbour, whose parents provided him a lifetime’s supply as a ' coming of age ' present.
Dear ScroffOthen12
Well ! How right you are. It seems a coincidence indeed that the century in which Global Warming really took-off was the very same one in which the air-conditioning unit was invented !
Now as to your question – are the factors connected ? – I would certainly say yes. Though I hope you will not take offence if I deflate somewhat your accompanying suggestion. If only we could manufacture an airconditiong unit which was 100% efficient, then that might indeed go some way to alleviating the current global problem. Sadly, the laws of physics utterly forbid it.
Try leaving your fridge door open for a few days and see if your kitchen
gets any colder.
Dear Gare]denIspecta
You asked ; “ Why do migrating geese always fly in a V formation ? “. What an odd question.
Clearly they do not. It simply depends on one’s point of view. It may look like a ‘ V ’ to you – but for another person, looking from the opposite direction, the first letter to spring to mind may well be an ‘ A ’.
And, on days with a very strong headwind, more like a ' C '
From an oblique side-view, another observer will probably think of a ‘ 7 or perhaps an ‘ L ’.
Of course it also depends greatly on the number of birds involved. For example, three might resemble an ellipsis … two a colon : and one very much like a full-stop .
As an aside, I did once see a wake of vultures forming a distinct ( and rapidly descending ) ' o ' , or perhaps an ' O ' . Luckily, I fully recovered and made my escape before they got close enough for me to find out.
Dear HighBr33d
I am sorry to hear that your PTFE non-stick frying pan has begun to stick. Unfortunately, the fact that it was sold to you with a ‘ Lifetime Guarantee ’ will probably not afford you much in the way of legal leverage towards obtaining a refund.
Did you enquire, at the time of purchase, what the ‘ lifetime ’ of the pan would be ? If not, then how can you be sure that it’s allotted span has not already been exceeded ? Worse still, I hope that you did not assume that the guarantee was for your lifetime ? Such a proviso would put your relatives – who may oneday inherit your pan - in a very tricky legal position on the day following your demise.
My advice is to shun such novelties anyway. Buy an untreated cast-iron pan and never wash it – instead, just heavily burn it after each use. The carbonised coating that it will eventually accrue works quite admirably, imparts a pleasing taste, and is perfectly harmless to parrots.
[ Eiron is referring to a conjecture – as yet disputed by manufacturers - that PTFE coated pans sometimes give off fumes which can kill domestic avian pets. Ed. ]
Dear xanthangumm
Your question “ What are Quarks made of ? “ scintillating with naïveté though it does, is nonetheless a perfectly valid one – but I hope that it will not come as surprise for you to hear that no-one has the faintest idea.
There is, however, already a growing list of proposed names for such a possible particle – should it ever come to light. The favored one is currently ‘ Preon ’.
Though personally, I much prefer two other proposals ‘ Quink ’ or ‘ Tweedle ‘.
In the end, the final choice will probably come down to the person who ‘ discovers ’ it - or at least proves its existence. Convention has it that they should not name the particle after themselves – though of course there's nothing to prevent them giving it their father’s surname !
Dear Jadkore624hh
Since you ask, no, unlike you, I do not find it particularly offensive to be required to fill-in a box marked ‘ Race ’ on various official forms. I always put ‘ Featherless Biped ’.
( and for the ' Religion ' box, I generally use ' Orthodox Agnostic ' )
Dear LymBiz
You asked how the apothegm ‘ Less is More ’ can be applied to scientific study.
I’m not sure that Ludwig Mies van der Rohe had science in mind when he coined the phrase, and, I must say that I personally find two ( slightly reworded ) alternatives much more useful.
‘ More is More ’ , and
‘ Less is less ’.
( oh, and ' The Same is The Same ' )
Dear NiuLfloaT
As always, it is refreshing to have a question on sociological / psychological issues. Though I find your question “ Why does everybody hate us ? “ perplexing and vexing in equal measures.
Please note that for legal reasons ( as painstakingly explained to me by my editor ) I am not permitted to disclose here who the ‘us’ actually refers to – but I shall do my very best to answer your question nonetheless.
Two important factors are logically implicit by your use of the word ‘us’ - conditions which I shall now examine in turn.
Firstly, the ‘us’ implies that you and your colleagues consider yourselves somehow ‘ different ‘ to the rest of society – plainly, if you were exactly the same, it would be impossible for you ( or anyone else ) to distinguish the boundaries of the group.
That given, and bearing in mind that through science’s vastly expansive investigations into genetics we now know that the DNA from any two humans anywhere on the planet is, to all intents and purposes, identical – this proposed ‘different-ness’ would seem rather unconvincing.
I put it to you then, that the ‘group’ does not, in fact, exist – except in the minds of its members.
Now onto the third point – your concerns that the rests of humanity ‘hates’ your (erroneously) perceived group.
Why would this be ? The only possible objection which I could imagine that anyone could hold against you would be that you and your colleagues steadfastly persist in calling yourselves members of a ‘group’.
Have you considered this could be intensely trying for others – who can quite plainly see that you’re not ?
Dear XSLoadsa
After considerable lucubration, and with some lamentation, I have come to the conclusion that there is little compensation in the ‘ study of information ‘. On reflection ( after accubation ) it is my observation that if you examine the erudition ( despite extensive accumulation ) there is little cause for celebration - I am not sure that it is worth the exertion.
[ that’s enough homoioteleuton thanks Eiron. Ed ]
Dear HogalHobbatt
I am very glad indeed that you asked your question, as it is not all that often that I receive queries in the field of philosophy and logic. And yes, you are quite right that it was Friedrich Nietzsche, the Prussian-born 19th-century philosopher, who first coined the phrase :
‘ God is Dead ‘ ( Gott ist tot ) back in 1882.
In order to clarify the situation for you, I should like to explore the implications of this highly controversial pronouncement in some considerable detail.
Chapter 1.
Let us begin by examining . . .
[ Due space constraints, the following eight chapters have been deleted. Ed. ]
. . . and so then, in summary, should we not also contemplate the following alternatives ?
' God is unwell ' or even, to bring Friedrich’s ideas right up to
date
' God is in rehab '
Dear Domgymn
The function of headaches is to remind you of how agreeable things can be on days when you don’t have one.
Dear viGlerHepp
No, until your letter, I was not aware that “ Koala
Bears are so-named because ‘ Koala ‘ means ‘no
drink’ in several Australian aboriginal dialects. “ Many
thanks. I would like to point out though that :
They’re not bears.
And they do ( occasionally ) drink.
Other than that, the information which you vouchsafed has proved most serviceable.
Dear JoK4Blok
No, although, in the light of certain very high profile recent cases we should not detract from the obvious benefits to society of auctioning celebrities’ bodily discards – e.g. hair – I feel that we should certainly not in any way encourage such behaviour. What next ? [ name deleted ] ‘s [deleted] ? Or [ name deleted ] ‘s [deleted] ? Agreed ?
Dear NIllPlatter
Your question, trite though it may appear at first glance, is, if I may say so, replete with profound implications.
NIllPlatter simply asked “ How can we determine the correct price for something ? “ I am not at all sure how to give a definitive answer. There are various auction methods which get close to the truth. One such technique involves selling the auctioned item to the second highest bidder. This, to some extent, discourages buyers from bidding too high – fearing that they might lose the item if they do.
Perhaps I can suggest another method which I used for some years whilst in New Guinea ?
When you show interest in buying an item, the vendor will name his/her price – which
is always vastly inflated. You then offer the seller between 1% and 5% of
their asking price. They will of course indignantly refuse your offer. You
then feign a complete lack of interest and walk slowly away from them. They
will then begin to shout out prices – which get lower the father you
walk away ( turn your back by all means ). At some point though, they will
stop their downward bargaining. Now, carefully remember the last price
you heard. Next, find another vendor of the same product, and start
the proceedings by offering him/her 50% of the price you have remembered.
The seller will immediately be impressed by your keen grip on the ‘correct’ price,
and will treat you with respect. Keep bargaining – at length you will
probably both agree at roughly the 75% level. On a local basis at least,
that will be acceptably near the right price for the item in question.
Dear SFoCr0w
You are quite correct to point out that substantial efforts are underway to classify various psychological problems – previously considered simply as unwelcome foibles – as illnesses. Some current examples : ‘Addiction’ to coffee. A love of gambling. etc. etc. etc.
I probably do not need to point it out to you, but some of my other readers may be interested in the fact that the oodles of cash which is currently being funneled into ‘research’ of these various ‘illnesses’ is coming, in the most part, from the big pharmaceutical companies.
It has not escaped them that if such problems are indeed officially recognised as illnesses, then they will be able to sell drugs to ‘cure’ the problems.
Now, regarding your own particular troublesome ‘syndrome’ : Yes, I can quite well believe that one can develop a ‘pathological lack of patience’ – in fact, I admit that I myself have worrisome preliminary symptoms of this ‘illness’. And I have been in considerable anticipatory suspense for quite some time now hoping that the medical establishment will get on with things and define it as an illness – and, frankly, I’m utterly sick of waiting.
* * *
Explore previous archive . . .
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