Gardening therapy. Offered for free. Ipswhich area.
3hrs. per week. Must have own lawnmower. Ref.#743683
Wi-Fi range extenders. $10 each. Also sell wire coat hangers, same
price. Ref.#9456456-33/12
Tropical island for sale. 2.3 sq Km. Buyer removes (residents) Ref.#JJ58B
Wall carpet and floor paper, all styles and patterns Ref.#222-35
I called the bomb-squad and told them I’d
found a shell on the beach, and they told me to [deleted] !
What next? Ref.#438-35
My new book. Neither Here Nor There - exploring
the boundaries of juxtaposition and comparison. It’s kind of alright.
Dave, Ref.#23273664a
Illegal Downloadz. All my downloadz seem to be legal.
What am I doing wrong ? My friends think I’m a [deleted] Ref.#12
Improve your golf par with my new swing technique.
Also works with hockey, tennis, badminton, table-football, Monopoly™ and
les boules. Ref.#438-36
Make profits from other people’s debt? Yep.
That’s where the smart money is today. Buy my $57K debt for
just $93K. Hurry ! Prices increasing every day! Ref.#Q7237F
Sick of being misheard? Use my PPVAs. Passive personal
vocal amplifiers. Needs no batteries. Lasts a lifetime. I also got
plenty
used traffic
cones. Jake. Ref.#243239/b
Crude oil. Slight contamination
with seawater. Selling cheap. 350,000 barrels available. More soon.
Apply, Tony H. PO box 3432, British Virgin Islands (buyer
collects) Ref.#g3457
Has anyone got a good copy
of ‘Chewed
to Bits by Giant Turtles’, Man’s Life Magazine, May
1957. No? Well tough. I have, get your own. Suckers. Ref.#227743
Don’t fall for the old ‘Here’s
a couple of free tickets to the opera’ scam. I did. It was rubbish.
And my apartment wasn’t even robbed like in the movies. Ref.#023626
Chips. Silicon chips. Potato chips. What’s
the difference? You tell me. Ref.#5H353
Pandora’s box. Never opened. Any reasonable
offers. Buyer removes. Ref.#8HS8
Chitinous materials available for researchers. Regular
supplies - 1st quality - £140 per kilo. Apply in person to Happy
Clam Seafood Restaurant, Sheerness Docks, Essex, UK. Ref.#00AK27
Nano-particulate carbon powders available for researchers.
Regular supplies - 1st quality - £140 per kilo. Apply in person
to Household and Industrial Chimney Maintenance Ltd. ( next
to the Happy
Clam Seafood Restaurant, Sheerness Docks, Essex, UK.) Ref.#1OIQ3S
Pet animals required to feature in short
black and white film project. Suit panda, zebra, ring-tailed lemurs
etc.
( got
Dalmatians
already thnx ). Ref.#245724
Listed on the major search engines ? And happy with
that ? Cool. If not, I can get you ‘unlisted’ pdq. Search
Engine De-Optimizations at your service. Ref.#67009
Amaze your friends ! 101 tricks with [deleted] Ref.#463245T
Lexical addictions cured. Like like. Ref.#835YY
Philosophy student needs concrete examples of ‘vagueness’ for
essay. No previous timewasters. Ref.#FJ77L
Shop from home ! Oh yeah? Like why ? It’s
boooorrrrring ! So go out why don’t
you. Details Mallratz.co.ch Ref.#39HRE5
Creation. The Proof ! I have a pair of fossilized Walkman™ headphones,
and a Mini
Cooper™ waterpump. Both 6000 years old ( approx.
) Ref.#1633
Herbal cigarettes. Completely edible. Do not smoke.
Smoking sucks. Chews eating. Ref.#22
Alcohol burns ! So does money. A coincidence ? I
think not. Let’s extinguish our problems together ? Ref.#98487 I can supply small quantities of garden manure (0.5Kg
approx. ) on a daily basis. Seeking regular contract. Ref.#456
Writer’s retreat. Lower Tuscany. Was late home
of famous gourmet-poet. Reasonable rates. Please note: local fungi
not edible.Ref.#4563
Forget ‘ Oil Wars ‘ , the ‘ Water Wars ‘ are
coming. I purchase all unused water. Any quantity. Can collect.Ref.#2499
Short sleeved shot silk shirt ( size small ) Ref.#33444
Global Shoe Repairs ( Enfield ) Ltd. One month only
exclusive special offer on all sole and heel repairs : buy two – get
one free !Ref.#24359
Interrupting service. I will interrupt anything !
Business meetings, weddings, speeches, parties, stageplays, inaugurations
etc etc. Use my powerful diversionary tactics to gain your advantage.
Very reasonable rates. Ref.#8733
Giving away lovely acoustic guitar to the right person. No strings
attached. Ref.#1116
Anger management ! Why [deleted] bother ? It’s all [deleted] ! You[deleted[deleted]. [deleted] [deleted] why don’t you ! Contact me, Palomar, for further
helpful suggestions. You [deleted]Ref.#4448
Do It Yourself. I’m not helping you. That’s
it really. Celia Ref.#0032
Disturbing Flashbacks ? Uncanny deja-vus ? Don’t
be worried, I can explain all via quantum chromodynamic theory. No
previous callers please. Ref.#6331
Disturbing
Flashbacks ? Uncanny deja-vus ? Don’t be worried,
I can explain all via quantum chromodynamic theory. No previous
callers please. Ref.#6331 The meaning of Yo! Explained via semiotic analysis in my new book ‘The
meaning of Yo!’ Ref.#’6502
Less protein, nuts, lentils etc. And sitting. Buy my booklet. Ref.#2633
De-magnetized water. 100% guaranteed not to cause rust in brass, copper,
and plastic piping systems. Ref.#9300
You looking at my bird ? Visit South Wales' most popular aviary supply
company. Ref.#25348
Flat for sale. Pleasant outlook. Ample space. Centrally
heated. Vacant loft. But that's enough about me. Accept any offers. Ref.#49224
Colonel Mustard is innocent ! He is in a bit of a pickle though. Sort
code 23-64-21 A/c [deleted]. Thank you in advance. Ref.#22881
Keynsham. That's K-e-y-n-s-h-a-m. . Ref.#25537
What is your half-life ? My patent-applied-for detector will try to
find out. Guaranteed results, or half your money back. Ref.#9242
Do you suffer from an unwarranted fear of being ripped-off ? You are
not alone. I can help. Send no money now. Ref.#29ag2
Liposuction free ! Suitable candidates wanted for trainee operative
sessions. Must sign form. Ref.#9222
Learn to play the bagpipes. Sadly, I can’t help you. Ref.#7722
Glazed ceramic water feature. Or is it art ? Several
others, some colourfully patinised. Contact Dave at Pub
Demolition Services, Harlesden. Ref.#1834
Look no further. I have everything for the 18th century
theodolite collector. Ref.#2844
Parachute. Used only once only. Small tear. A bit
tangled. Offers. Ref.#9333
Non-heme iron supplements. Excellent value. In handy
chewable strips. Call for prices. Also for sale, 850 kilos of secondhand
roofing brads. Ref.#3522
Map of Antarctica. Scale 1:1. Urgent sale due to
lack of space. Ref.#4421
Ugly warts and verukas removed. But how ? Any help
appreciated. Ref.#1144
Free the Basingstoke Twelve. No more excuses. Ref.#2884
Cliff Richards ‘Greatest Hits’ vinyl
collection. Can deliver. Discretion assured. Ref.#3665 Computer problems ? No fix, no fee. I have 12 ye +sub[0]
+"= '"+unescape(su b[1])+"'"; break; experien Ref.#0374
Printer ink. More expensive ( per unit volume ) than
Champagne. Cheaper than ytterbium hexafluoride though. Ref.#2777
Labrat ( experienced ) would like to meet psychology
undergrad - preferably in dark alley. Ref.#0788
Denver public library. You : Prada/Gucci, shades,
brunette. Me : red jumper / trainers / sandwich. I know, I forget about
it right ? Ref.#2855 Doctoral thesis : ‘ 5 star wining & dining
in the Eurozone : a co-comparison. ‘. Need cash for in-depth
research. £16K
(+VAT + tips ) should cover it nicely. Ref.#2243
Astral Travelling. Yes It’s possible. I do
it all the time. I noticed you were reading a book on the subject – would
you like to meet up ( again ) ? Ref.#0862
I build website 4 U. Cheap. See www.example.com Ref.#2284
Xmas trees. Order early. Don’t wait for Christmas. Any quantity.
Also logs for sale, and sawdust for hamsters etc. Contact Swampy, c/o
The Bender, Epping Forest. Ref.#2846
Two well-used radio controlled vehicles, some wear-and-tear
hence the low price, but still hours of fun to be had. Will sell as
a pair
or individually. Buyer collects. (pic) Ref.#4966
House clearance. Genuine Samurai warrior
sword. Used once only. Ref.#4422
Buy my booklet ‘Di-hydrogen Oxide - the facts
*they* don’t want you to know.’ €12 +p&p Ref.
#3326
Call me nuts ! but I’m selling my entire
collection of $1 bills at just 50cents each ! ( strictly one per
customer, add $12 post/packing/insurance ) Ref. #0355
Yellow is the new Blue right ? Wrong ! I advise
on trends / fashion. Be one step ahead next catwalk. Ref.
#2224
The pigeons are flying westwards towards the Urals
again. This is the third time I’ve told you. Get a grip will
you. no ref#
Remote writers’ retreat. No mod cons. Cold
in winter, hot in summer. Suit spartan poet and/or or entomological
researcher etc. Ref. #8465
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Contrarian, WLTM other contrarian. (no contrarians) Ref.#857H43
Jigsaw puzzle. Grand Canyon. I need piece C57 -
the bit at the top left with the tumble weed. Urgent. Name your price. Ref.#857H44
Homeopathic remedies. Part used. Last few drops.
Super strong. Professionals only Ref.#fk4984
Object's D'art. Specifically 'found' objects.
Auction next month. Railway underpass Dalston Junction.
From £650. Ref.#dk6k45k
Stop the warmongers. There's only one way and you
know it. We have to fight them. First strategic battle planing meeting
T.B.D but P.D.Q. Ref.#4223G55
Use my proven method to overcome writer’s writer’s ok,
I’ll try again tomorrow. Ref.#BF334B
Help wanted. How can I make a Maltese Cross? (Please,
no jokers) Ref.#AF334B
Pat applied for: ‘Foggy-gray specs’.
Wear them for a day, then take them off. You’ll feel wonderful
! $19.99 a pair. Ref.#00033
855 small insects. Suit entomologist. Flea circus
trainer retiring. Oh wait, that’s 854. Ref.#33f-34
Caffeine is addictive and can even be dangerous.
I can supply quantities of quarter-strength coffee on a regular basis.
Also used Melita™ filter papers ( great for recycling
). Ref.#33
Urban bicycling insurance. Knockdown prices. Ref.#969FF
Great presents! Stupidly large marsh mallows. 1.5
Kilos each (approx.) Amuse your friends. And/or shut them up for
a while. Ref.#A01929
Make your own indoor fireworks. Let us show you
how. Structured step-by-step plan. Write in the first instance to Household
and Domestic Pre-Insurance (Drigg) Ltd. Drigg, Cumbria, UK. Ref.#A248
My husband impersonates ‘Bluebottle ’ from ‘The
Goon Show ’. He’s rather good at it actually.
But I just cannot get him to bally well stop it. Any help
mush appreciated, Camila. Ref.#8555 Adjustable beer. Take a glass of alcohol-free beer,
add vodka to taste. More info at adjustablebeer.com Ref.#438-34
“Is man an ape or an angel?” asked
Benjamin Disraeli. He asked the wrong question. Why not both? Ref.#R523
I write bespoke poetry for any personal occasion – weddings,
anniversaries, graduations etc. Also for corporate clients, esp.
downsizing operations. Ref.#59J02
Avatar for hire. Answers
to the name
Rupert. Very wrinkly and ugly. Egomaniac. A genuinely nasty
piece of work. Guaranteed
to wind-up your (virtual) colleagues and friends or your money back. Ref.#VV8237
Unwanted memory? I buy memory. Any quantity. Must
be pre-1930s. Memory Relocation Services, Ramona Av., Rigby, ID. Ref.#143132
Metallic oxide coatings. Almost any non-precious
metal article can be semi permanently patinised by our newly discovered
process. Full
instructions $89.50 Ref.#678
Cover-up. They say that 391 is 17 x 23. And who
is ‘they’ ? Exactly !
I have all the low-down on the 391 conspiracy. Don’t let them [deleted] with you. Send for details. Ref.#24AY832
Fed up with junk mail ? We have the
ultimate solution. Contact BulkCyanoacrylate Supplies Pte. (
caution: may involve some loss of regular mail ) Ref.#29HH9
Drowning in used supermarket carrier-bags ? I can
supply carrier-bag bags. 100% recycled plastic. Ref.#232OI
Fact ! All [deleted] are [deleted]. And ? Search me. Anytime. Ref.#98456
Aliens control
my eyebrows. Accept Botox™ donations. Thanks in
advance. Ref.#5544A
So, billions are the new Millions? BS ! Details
: saynotomorezeros.com Ref.#7773
Offshore tax haven. Remember – taxmen don’t
swim in international waters ! Why not send your unwanted cash,
jewels gold etc to M.F.V. ‘Kowalczyk-III ‘, marine co-ordinates
N28.22697 – W33.134766 ( presently off Canaries ). Ref.#3744
Free everything ! My unique and comprehensive guide
to things you can get for free. Why pay for plastic bags, drinking
straws, salt sachets, etc all there for the taking ! I’ll show
you how and where ! Send for my booklet $63 + P&P.Ref.#83573
Bingo lessons. No previous callers please.Ref.#03567
Mouldy walls ? Rising damp ? Condensation ? Why
bother fixing it ? – It might be easier to move to Algeria
or somewhere. International relocation and removal specialists.Ref.#3999
They are amongst us ! Heard that one ? Well it’s
wrong ! We are amongst them ! Bleep me now on planet Thargestra,
259094-2332-5-456
, Arthur. ( calls cost 2,555 Thargestran Lunix per minute ) or via Ref.#8233
Genealogy experts. Like to trace your ancestors ? Leave it to the
professionals ! Contact ProGenExperts Inc. You never know who we
might dig up ! Ref.#9111
Tattoos and piercings while you wait. Ref.#985663
It has come to my notice that Hampstead and Highgate have an ‘H’.
Whilst Ackney and Olloway do not. I will leave you to draw your
own conclusions. Ref.#19844 Have you seen my dog ? Any leads appreciated. Ref.#1933
Underwater crossword book. Slightly used. Completely waterproof.
Suit divers etc. No time wasters. Ref.#9222
Human DNA samples for researchers. Also available,
dog, cat, and goldfish. Budget conscious prices for registered institutions. Ref.#3934
Decorative terra cotta ferrets. I just can't make
'em quick enough. Ref.#39771
Send for my proactive upwardly leveraging total
quality business jargon buster kit. Money back if you run it up the
flagpole and no-one salutes it. Ref.#58883
A minority of narrow-minded skullduggerers are
giving pirates a bad name. Do not let that cloud your judgment. I
have a large chest for sale. Ref.#26634
Yodeling lessons. Call for prices. Ref.#6232
Collector requires very smooth, very large, very shiny things. Any
quantity. Favourable rates. Contact Jeff. Ref.#38hs5
750 shares in the [deleted] Bank
of [deleted]. Will swap for
a pair of good quality socks. Must be 100% cotton. Ref.#27843
Surveyor's tape measure required. Distance no object. Ref.#9hr45
I can write your name on a grain of rice. And will
do so, if you pay me and provide your own rice grain. Ref.#8354
Pirate DVDs. Also ahoytherematey mp3s. All your
swashbucklin’ needs satisfied or I’ll gladly walk the
plank for yuz. Or I’ll be jiggered that I will. Apply in
the first instance to Quentin Barrington-Smythe, at Ref.#1664 There are
no problems – just
opportunities.
Heard
that one ? So what’s your opportunity ? Ref.#7711
Wanted. C_mputer keyb_ard. Must have w_rking
'_'. Ref.#7355
Toy robot dog. Slight personality defect. Suit
talented embedded firmware programmer. Ref.#3221
Laws of attraction. Think positive. Success nearly
guaranteed. Ask me how. Ref.#8231
Tortoise needs good home. Has not moved for several
months. Believed hibernating. Ref.#7722
Free beer ! Now I have your attention, but I’m
not sure what to do with it. I’ll get me coat then. Ref.#0112
Two legs bad. Four legs good. Six legs ? – whoa
yeah baby ! Contact Franz ( or George if I’m not in ) Ref.#2026
The internet is killing our business ! Support
the International Society of Vanity Poem Publishers. Ref.#5583
Large inflatable doll. In the form of a law enforcement
officer. (burly) Intended for ‘dummy’ security guard
duty – or
suit [deleted]. Ref.#5573
Campanology classes. All styles. Beginners welcome.
Ring for details. Ref.#2975
Free ! to good homes. Beagle
pups, all brown with one white left front paw. 137 available soon.
Apply in person,
Clonex Inc. [ ad withdrawn ]
Recovering substance abuser would like to meet
understanding man, aged 30-50 for companionship, walks etc. Must
be solvent. Ref, #9476
Lost – Sheffield area : Husband’s large
e.s.n. Pit-Bull answering to the name of Dreadnaught. Likes meat
and chocolate. If
found, he’s yours ok. No ref. #
Property developers. Existing buildings tested for ‘ fireworthiness ‘.
Discretion assured. Ref. #2888
Very large glass display tank. Suit chinese restaurant.
Slight leak. Contact Damien. Ref. #3338
Double push-chair. One seat damaged. Suit only
twin. Ref. #7782
Puzzle book. 3000 Sudoku puzzles. No timewasters.
Ref. #7328
TVs, expertly serviced in your own home. Strictly
no ‘LCDs’ or ‘Plasmas’. Ref. #6934
Madame Heigel, Clairvoyant, formerly of Ironside
gdns. Lampeter, will not be undertaking any sessions this month due
to unforeseen circumstances. Ref.#2875
Lose money now. Let me show you how. Ask the expert,
Donald T. Ref. #1025
Vacuum cleaner. Sucks well. Ref.
#2994
Alice. Didn’t get the message. Send again
pls. Bob. no ref#
Basil. w.l.t.m. Rosemary. Possibly knock up a stew
? Ref. #2956
Large quantity of very high-grade granite chippings.
Can deliver at any location on Kings Cross to Edinburgh mainline
( between 3 am to 5 am only ) Ref. #6836
Geologists. Large selection of pebbles ( approx.
three tonnes ). Yours to identify Ref. #9982
Want to stop smoking ? Me too. Let me know how
you get on. Ref. #2839
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