The H.of I.P.
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The Hall of Intriguing Patents
All the intriguing patents listed below have featured in Really Magazine since year 2004.
They appear in no particular order.
Should you wish to explore further, clicking on the drawings will take you to the official patent office documents. ( .pdf files )
Data and images kindly supplied by the United States Patent and Trademark Office (USPTO) ( www.uspto.gov ) and the World Intellectual Property Organization ( www.wipo.int )
Garment device convertible to one or more facemasks
[ click image to view original patent docs ]
“ As a result of biological or chemical warfare, poison based weaponry, pollution or other environmental circumstances, the air people breathe can become contaminated with harmful substances “
Thus there may be circumstances where ideally, each member of the population would always have a facemask readily at hand.
The ‘ Garment device convertible to one or more facemasks ‘ makes such a provision – at least for 50% or so of the adult population.
Note : also works as a bra.
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Toaster with removable imaging plates
[ click image to view original patent docs ]
Although images ( or impressions of images ) sometimes naturally occur on food items, occasionally there may be a need to deliberately encourage them. Say, for example, images on pieces of toast. This has now been made possible.
There have been similar devices before, but not with removable image plates so that the branded-on image can be changed as required.
( Note: The patent advises that the device is also suitable for
pop-tarts and English muffins. )
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Aqua-terra planetary transport system and development pneumatic and electro-magnetic underwater tube-link transportation system
[ click image to view original patent docs ]
The primary object of the invention is to :
“ . . . provide an electromagnetic and pneumatic underwater transportation system “
Which would travel at extremely impressive speeds of up to 14,000 miles per hour. But to and from where ?
“ . . . a plurality of floating and ocean based and floating aqua stations and land based terra stations that are interconnected by a network of sub-surface tubes . . . “
In this ambitious project the stations will include food, water, housing, entertainment complexes, healthcare facilities, educational facilities ( pre-school to university level ) and more.
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Facial hair trimmings catcher
[ click image to view original patent docs ]
The problem :
“ Many men prefer to wear mustaches and beards. . . Self grooming is usually accomplished using scissors and a mirror. Since mirrors are widely available in bathrooms, typically mounted above a sink, men often use these bathroom mirrors to trim their mustaches and beards and use the sink to catch the trimmings.”
The solution – The Facial Hair trimmings Catcher.
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Chewable top for a wiring instrument
[ click image to view original patent docs ]
Perhaps chewing the top of one’s pen shouldn’t be encouraged – but it is nonetheless a very widespread practice. If one does, then why not make good use of it ? For example by using pens or pencils with interchangeable flavoured caps – or even ones with, say, dental whitening agents ?
In either case –
“ The cap may be inserted into the mouth of a user for chewing. “
( Note : The patent's official title may be a source of confusion.
It should read ‘ Chewable Top for a Writing Instrument ‘ and not '
Chewable Top for a Wiring Instrument ‘ )
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Apparatus for shifting weight from a runner to a wheeled frame
[ click image to view original patent docs ]
Runners and walkers sometimes have problems with excess weight. In these cases, what is required is a method to shift the weight of the upper body onto a moveable frame. Hence the need for an ‘ Apparatus for Shifting Weight from a Runner to a Wheeled Frame. '
Some may notice the similarity with the now famous Dandy
Horse - but the new invention “ transfers
part of the weight of the runner/walker to the wheeled frame by an elastic
means “
The Dandy Horse was decidedly non-elastic.
( Observation : By an astonishing coincidence this inventor's name is Mr. Dandy )
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Garment with pet carrying pouch
[ click image to view original patent docs ]
“ A garment incorporating means for carrying a pet therein “
The means are largely pouch-based : allowing “ . . . a pet carrier garment wherein the garment includes but is not limited to a shirt, vest and sweatshirt “
Note
that although the drawings only portray dogs, there are probably no reasons
why it cannot
also be used for many other small-ish ( land based ) pets.
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Swimming Exercise Device
[ click image to view original patent docs ]
During a typical in-pool exercise session “ . . . the swimmer will swim from one end of the pool to the opposing end, then turn one hundred and eighty (180) degrees and swim back to the then opposing end. This cycle will then be performed repetitively for the duration of the exercise routine. This constant contact with, or at least approach to, the hard perimeters of the opposing ends of the pool have obvious inherent dangers. “
Thankfully, these inherent dangers may be entirely avoided with the Swimming Exercise Device.
In essence, a cord attached to a fishing-rod-like device which actively prevents the swimmer from going anywhere.
Note :
There are various modes of swimming :
“ Some of these utilize movement and exertion of the arms more than that of the legs. Some of these utilize movement and exertion of the legs more than that of the arms. Some of these utilize movement and exertion of both the arms and legs. “
Any, or all, of which are applicable to the invention.
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Target built into a toilet or unrinal
[ click image to view original patent docs ]
A device to “ attract the attention of urinating males . . . “
Noting that :
“ After the subconscious mind is properly programmed,
the aim of the male will be substantially improved . . .”
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K-9 rappel harness system
[ click image to view original patent docs ]
“ In many different settings, working dogs and their handlers are required to jump, rappel or ascend as a unit. “
A difficult scenario at the best of times – “ existing systems do not secure the dog to the handler in a fashion that keeps them in a fixed position “
Leading to possible dog / handler mispositioning issues.
“ Such circumstances do not inspire the confidence and self assurance that is required of a working dog . . . “
This problem has now been largely resolved thanks to K-9 Rappel Harness System.
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Apparatus and method for waterproofing game birds
[ click image to view original patent docs ]
If a bird becomes too wet during rainy weather its ability to fly can become severely impaired. If the bird was, say, a quail, pheasant, chuckar, partridge , grouse or duck then this forced grounding could be detrimental to a person who was minded to shoot it whilst airborne. Hence the requirement for an ‘ Apparatus and Method for Waterproofing Game Birds .’
“ It is estimated that a single hunting club or hunting resort may lose over $100,000 per year because of missed hunts due to rainy or damp weather “.
The requisite macinery includes the key step of “ . . . spraying the game birds with an oil or wax mixture in amounts that prevent excessive water absorption . . . “
( operational note : the wax/oil mixture should be allowed to dry
before the birds are released )
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Manually suctioned pressure-induced breast enhancement device and method
[ click image to view original patent docs ]
“ . . . a tubing device for breath suction to create pressure inside plastic domes cushioned and sealed to the skin by silicone extending around the sides of the domes and latched at the back . . . “
The central idea being :
“ . . . the purpose of breath-powered pressure-induced
tissue enhancements on the breast. “
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Beach blanket
[ click image to view original patent docs ]
As the inventors point out, ‘ people go to the beach for relaxation ‘ – and one of the items often taken to the beach is a towel.
If the towel was to used, say, for sitting on, and the weather was sunny, the beach visitors might also be glad to employ a beach umbrella for shading purposes. The problem is . . . an ordinary towel does not ( usually ) have a hole in the middle.
This one does – it could perhaps be described then as ‘ a
towel with a hole in it '.
( Note : the drawing above shows an oblong towel, there is also a round version )
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Portable ladder for mounting a horse
[ click image to view original patent docs ]
Mounting a horse can be tricky for novices.
“ A common difficulty arises due to the height of the stirrup from the ground. “
What’s needed then is a device to make it easier to climb up to the riding position.
Perhaps best envisioned ‘ a ladder ‘.
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Handkerchief with pouch
[ click image to view original patent docs ]
It’s true to say that “ Handkerchiefs, typically made from a cloth material, have been in use for thousands of years. " That doesn’t necessarily mean they can’t be improved upon though.
For example, with a traditional handkerchief, ‘ solid and liquid particles ‘ can ( and often do ) escape during coughing or sneezing operations.
According to the inventors, the root of the problem is that an ordinary handkerchief is essentially a two-dimensional object ( at least when laid flat ).
The new invention adds a third dimension, in the form of a pouch.
Preventing, or at least reducing the likelihood, of inadvertent emissions
( and in the meantime providing temporary storage for them ).
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Pillow with breasts
[ click image to view original patent docs ]
This device “ . . . can provide comfort for the user in that it minimises the absence of a mother – or loved one. “
As envisaged, it will be available in three sizes – Standard,
Queen, and oddly perhaps, King.
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Man overboard retrieval device
[ click image to view original patent docs ]
‘ Man overboard ! ‘. What’s to be done ? Priority number one would be to get the person ( not necessarily a man of course ) out of the water and back onboard. But how ?
The ‘ Man Overboard Retrieval Device ‘ can perhaps best be thought of as a net with a long handle.
Note that in contrast with some other rescue methods, the rescuer does not have to leave the deck of the boat . ( As long as the handle is long enough )
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Inflatable humanoid forms
[ click image to view original patent docs ]
Let’s say that you wanted to film a ‘ crowd scene ‘ - for example at a stadium - and that you did not have access to ( or financial resources to hire ) a real crowd.
“ The invention comprises one or more . . . “ [ preferably more ] “ . . . life-sized inflatable humanoid figures that resemble human forms. “
Now to the practical aspects.
“ The humanoid figures are placed into their seats with the necessary wardrobe typically intermingled with live actors or extras to provide a more realistic background setting. “
Note that the dummies are not restricted to sports stadium shots. They can also be used, for example, in " . . . corporate training videos and lectures . . . “
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Space vehicle propelled by the pressure of inflationary vacuum state
[ click image to view original patent docs ]
“ The consequences of the effect of electromagnetically-affected gravity could be substantial and have many practical applications . . . “
If gravity could be manipulated, by for example the artificial creation of a space-time anomaly, then all kinds of space travel opportunities might become available.
One way of achieving such a distortion ( according to the inventors ) might be to make use of
“ A levitating, rotating, superconducting disk “
Then, if this device could be incorporated into, say, a saucer-like vehicle,
an entirely new means of passenger transportation might be realized – possibly
even able to travel at faster-than-light ( a.k.a ' warp ' ) speeds.
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Smart balloons
[ click image to view original patent docs ]
“ The proposed invention is a physical system that works on saving planes in air in case of accidents or breakdown . . . “
It does so by employing strategically placed balloons.
“ When the balloons are filled with the light gas (example helium) over the plane it carries up in air and it reduces the plane's weight until landing in a safe area . . . “
It should be noted that the invention is not just restricted to air-travel – for it's applicable too in preventing ships from sinking at sea –
“ This mechanism is also used in saving ships by huge balloons located in definite places on the surface of the ship . . . “
Also works with yachts, submarines, cars and even ( according to the inventor ) falling people.
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Garments having an inside out appearance
[ click image to view original patent docs ]
“ Fabrics used in garments often have a so-called
right side and a so-called wrong side, the right side indicating the side
of the fabric normally shown
on the outside of the garment when worn, and the wrong side indicating the
side normally hidden from view .”
But does this necessarily have to be the case ? Some may disagree which is the ‘ right ‘ side and which is ‘ wrong ‘ and choose, for example to wear their garments ‘ inside out ‘. This has considerable drawbacks however, since various features ( pockets , zips etc ) may not function properly in this mode.
“ Because of this, it can sometimes be difficult to properly wear
a garment inside-out. In view of this background there remains a need for
garments intended to be worn with an inside out appearance. The present invention
is addressed to those needs. “
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Anti hijacking system
[ click image to view original patent docs ]
As an aircraft anti-terrorism measure, reinforced doors can prevent most unauthorized cockpit entry attempts - but they may not always be 100% penetration proof.
In which case one could make use of a ‘ Net trapping system for capturing a robber immediately ‘
In which “ a concealed stainless steel net from below the carpet will hoist up all people to the ceiling or simulations side by side winch activation will hold the trapped people by the wall immobilizing them . “
Note : Unlike previous inventions ( US3,881,643 ) this method does not attempt to dump the would-be hijackers out through the belly of the aircraft - which, as the current inventor points out, may not be ideal :
“ Try to parachute from a plane flying 4-500 mph over water without oxygen mask –60F temperature from 30,000 feet without a lawsuit and survive it “
[ Shouldn't that be ' jumpsuit ' ? Ed .]
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Tortoise bathing facility
[ click image to view original patent docs ]
“ One of the problems of raising turtles and especially tortoises is that they often require to be washed and/or bathe “
As their owners will know, this can be a decidedly messy business. Although the tortoises could perhaps be washed in, say, an ordinary bowl, the washer may find they may well come into contact with the soiled water.
This invention gets around the problem with specially designed fluid jet nozzles, sluices and drains - which should make tortoise-washing an altogether more hygienic procedure.
Note : The apparatus can also be used for other reptiles as well as dogs, cats and birds.
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Editor's picksStuff* as distinct from ordinary stuff The Smart Balloons of El Taawon The Puissance of the Proletaroid
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“ Rather than growing exponentially, or keeping pace with population growth, innovation peaked in 1873 and has been declining ever since. “
New Scientist 2nd July 2005, pp 27
